What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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