hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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