I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Green mimosas i think yes
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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