At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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