Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
