i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
