Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
