have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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