It's Friday. Sex?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I looked at my own cervix.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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