did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
