Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
