got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
