Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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