I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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