yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
