Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
