i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
