Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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