I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
