God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
