Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
