i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She told me I should be a condom model.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
