You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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