Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize