Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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