i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Randomize