Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
