If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Your penis caused this!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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