I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
i drank out of a bidet.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Randomize
