Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
