I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
