i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
