One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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