So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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