Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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