its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i drank out of a bidet.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Randomize
