We're like a lot better than the average bears
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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