I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Randomize
