I never want to see another naked old woman again.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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