just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
