there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
