Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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