The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
