Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
