thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
