he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
