you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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