so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
