Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
