I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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