my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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