Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
