Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize