Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
