He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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