I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
