I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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