babies were throwing up all over the place
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
