Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
