pedialite and red bull = repair kit
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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