She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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