Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
