I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
