Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
