apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
