....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
