i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
