i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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