people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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