Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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